How to Introduce Sex Toys into Your Relationship
This is one of the MOST common questions I receive as an Adult Toy Educator. It doesn’t matter if you have been in your relationship for a few months or many years, Introducing Sex Toys into Your Relationship brings in a whole new way to have fun with your partner.
The first point I always make VERY CLEAR
“Sex Toys were never created to replace your partner, they were Only created to enhance your sexual experience.”
Contrary to popular belief, Sex Toys Date back as early as the caveman days. Ancient phallic shaped dildos made of stone, wood and even Jade have been found all over the world. It was said Queen Cleopatra would fill a small glass tube will bees and seal it creating a “vibrating sensation for self pleasure” The first vibrator to use electricity was created in the mid 1800 by physicians in hopes of curing women of hysteria. If you would like to dive deeper into this subject please feel free to Peruse my pinterest board The History of Sex Toys..
Back to Modern Day
Sex Toys are never meant to replace your partner in anyway shape or form, it is about building a stronger connection as a couple. Bottom line Physical touch & communication is the ultimate goal to build intimacy in your relationship.
Next, I strongly recommend sitting down with your partner and opening a line of communication about this. This is not a subject I recommend having right after sex. This is a conversation that should be had over a warm meal together during a date night or couple time where you have the chance to sit and focus on each other without the distraction of children, animals, phones or anything else. Somewhere where it’s easy to breath and talk freely where “ I “statements would serve best.
Some great ways to start the conversation might be as simple as:
- I read this Blog Post about Sex Toys and I am interested in trying out something new with you. Then have them also read this Blog Post ( Sharing is caring, unless it itches or burns right … lol)
- I took this Mojo Quiz and I want to compare notes with you. (the great thing about this quiz is you answer a group of questions about what type of sexual play you would be interested in exploring. You then pass this on to you partner, they answer the same group of questions then at the end your final mutual results will be displayed. If either of you answer with a strong No to any of the questions then it will not show up as a possible sex fantasy you would be open to exploring.)
- I would really enjoy trying out a new form of stimulation by trying out something like this…
Once you have had the conversation ( and hopefully taken the quiz above) and both of you are ready for playtime. I recommend exploring the different types of touch both with and without the use of Sex Toys. It important to maintain a healthy connection to your partner. One the biggest concerns Males have about using Sex Toys with their partners is that their partner will prefer the Sex Toy over playing with them. IF this is a concern in your relationship it needs to be addressed, both partners need to talk about ways of enjoying Sex and their connection both with the Sex Toy and without it. Which brings me to my next point which is physical touch and how to connect with your lover.
The Joy in Thriving Sensual, Sexual and Intimate Touch
We as humans Crave Sensual, Sexual and Intimate Touch, it is what nourishes our bodies and fuels our souls. How many of you have heard of the Failure to Thrive Study ? This study has taught us we need physical touch to grow, to develop and Thrive. When we are living in an environment where no physical touch exist we quickly decline. We crave to know the most intimate parts of not only ourselves but each other as well. When we put our hands on each others bodies the vibration changes within our palms as we FEEL our partner beneath our gentle touch.
To sensually touch your lover is to explore parts of their body in a non sexual yet connecting way. A really fantastic way to practice Sensual Touch is by taking an Acro Yoga or Partner Yoga Class together. If you would like to explore Acroyoga Please see my fellow adult toy eduator and mentor’s facebook page for a better understanding of it at Inverted Play. It teaches you how to hold your partner, to touch their body in a close and connecting fashion without it being sexual. As a woman to lay my hips across the soles of my husbands feet and have him lift me high in the air, to feel supported to invert my upper body and reverse the blood flow is incredible. I trust his body to keep mine safe. I challenge you to explore this idea in your relationship as well.
Another way to practice Sensual Touch is with Sizzle Lips which is a warming edible massage oil you may spread anywhere over your lovers body. ( I would strongly recommend keeping this item out and away from the vagina and urethra opening). It gets warm with friction so the more you rub Sizzle Lips into the skin the warmer it will get. Then if you stop and blow on their body “Sizzle Lips” will heat up even more. Sizzle Lips is also edible so you can use your tongue to play around with the different textures. Try to make your tongue have a hard point at the tip v.s having a full flate surface. Which does your Lover prefer? If the idea of edible products does not sound appealing to you , then maybe practice with a Scandle Candle It is a soy based scented wax. The great part about Soy based wax is it burns at a much lower temperature so the risk of it burning your skin is next to none when used properly. Lit the wick for the scandale candle and give it a few mins to melt the desired amount of wax, then blow out the flame and slowly, gently pour wax over your lover’s back, legs, and arms. For ideas of how to pour or play with wax see my pinterest board for Candle Wax Adventures.
When using Sex Toys for Sensual Touch I recommend starting small with a non phallic shaped toys like the Embrace My Wand practice turning this Sex Toy on and running it across the shoulders & neck. Practice using this Sex Toy to run down the arms and around the belly button, watch the way your lover’s body responds to its different vibration patterns.
After you both have practiced Sensual Touch with your Sex Toy take it a step further and graduate to practicing with Sexual Touch. Sexual Touch means to stimulate all of those erogenous zones for sexual pleasure.
One of the biggest complaints i often hear from both sexes is they feel like a piece of meat being grabbed. Build your foreplay skills by building hypersensitivity around the act of what you’re about to do. Trace your lovers beautiful lips, trace the outer line of the areola. Slowly practice touching different area of your lover’s body. After you have found comfort in practicing using your Embrace My Wand it’s time to explore other types of Sex Toys. This is also a great time to Practice with Mutual Masturbation. (Will be creating this next blog post soon until then please visit this youtube video I collaborated on called Naughty Bites with D. J. Meares. In this video we talk about how the 50 Shades of Grey Series has affected women to help them find sexual liberation. In this episode I talk about what mutual masturbation is and why it is so important to practice with your partner.) Upgrading to a different type of Sex Toy like the We-Vibe 4 Plus which has a remote and also has an app you download to your smart phone. The app can be used anywhere your phone has wifi service. The We-Vibe 4 Plus can also be used for solo stimulation for her, or during interecourse. The We-Vibe 4 Plus is made from a medical grade silicone, and has a larger spoon shape for better g spot stimulation.
Sex Toy for Date Night
Another great Sex Toy to checkout is the Club Vibe, which is vibrating panties. Just imagine you’re out in public at one of your favorite restaurants. It’s a really busy night and then your partner turns on the remote. Would you be able to maintain your composure while they play with the 5 different speeds? WHat about when they use the microphone feature and actually talk to your vagina at the dinner table… Super naughty.
We have covered Edible and non edible Sex Toys we have also covered a couple of great vibrators But, what about BDSM? (again I will recommend the youtube video Naughty Bits by D.J. Meares where we talk about what is true BDSM.)
BDSM = Bondage/Discipline Sadism/Masochism
What most people do not realize about BDSM is it exist in every single relationship you are currently involved into some variable degree. BDSM is the beautiful exchange of trust and consent in a relationship. Here is my humble, and very best explanation to make BDSM relatable for most. Taking off my hat as an adult toy educator and putting on the hat of wife. Snap shot: It is the end of a very long day at work.
What does this phone call home look and sound like? Him: “ Hey Honey, it’s been a hell of a day. Im tired and Im coming home” Me” Ok what would you like for dinner?” Him: “ I do not care you pick, I am to tired to think”
Bam!!! It just happened did you see it? The foundation of trust in our relationship as wife I know what his comfort foods are, What makes his heart and belly full when he is emotionally exhausted. He trust that at the end of the day I will not feed him something weird or harmful and he gave consent for me to make a choice for him.
THAT is true BDSM When you have trust in a relationship, you’re able to explore a sexual fantasy in a safe environment with someone you know at the end of the experience will keep you safe.
How do you introduce BDSM style Toys?
I recommend starting with a blindfold first, practice a small sensory deprivation like removing sight, then as you both build comfort grow from it. Try out a pair of handcuffs or if you’re really feeling adventurous… Try out the Doorplay kit. This one has a special place in my heart. When I first started in my career in Adult Toy education I would bring the Doorplay it to every in home party. I would set it up and find a woman or man to volunteer to be tied to the door, blindfolded and gently flogged on the arms and legs. Building up and decreasing speeds creating a hypersensitivity in the skin for the sense of touch by removing the sense of sight.
Sex is so much more than just a simple F&*K. Sex is intimate, it’s emotional and deep it also has its seasons. Every relationship has its seasons for change. Always remember to find a way to connect and make it hot!! Thank you for reading this article I hope it helps you to explore new ideas in your relationship.