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How to Date Yourself & Why it's Important
Photo Credit: As a middle-aged witchy woman, I have learned a few things in my lifetime. One of the MOST essential things is Learning How to Date Yourself. It makes no difference how old you are or are currently in an intimate relationship with someone. Not many of us are taught healthy habits in self-care, self-worth, and radical self-acceptance. When you learn How to Date Yourself, you know more about who you are inside as a person. This post will explore emotional intimacy, sensuality, and a little sprinkle of science-based information. Fair? The world is a different place than it once was. (que the old-timer's voice, back in the day when gas was only $.99) What does it when you learn How to Date Yourself? As humans, we are in a constant state of connection and movement. I challenge you to walk into a restaurant and count how many people have their heads buried in the device in the palm of their hands. We have become so disconnected from ourselves that we have lost a sense of our humanity, intimacy, kindness, love, and empathy. We have become so overwhelmed and exhausted with the amount of information we consume daily. In finding a quiet place to hang out with yourself, you have a chance to emotionally check in with your goals in life and see how far you have come as to where you want to be. How to Date Yourself in 7 Ways Clean up & Dress Up: Prepare yourself & your home like the most important person in the world is coming over for dinner. A Weekend Away: Make plans to take a trip somewhere outside of your usual comfort zones. Try a New Restaurant: Sometimes, being able to explore a new place is all you need. Take Bubble Bath or Plan a Spa Day: Spend some time and energy pampering your body and allowing yourself to relax. Spend the Day Getting Lost in a Great Book: Do you remember the title of the last book you read? Take a Hike: Literally, go outside and explore nature around you. Decompress and disconnect from the online world. Soak up those rays of sunshine. Masturbation: Release those feel-good chemicals from the brain and rediscover the softness of your own body again. Incoming Science Stuff Did you know the human brain consumes about 20% of our body's energy during the day? When we "disconnect" or allow ourselves downtime, we allow our brains to rest and regroup. This helps us out, in the long run, to be able to come back to a problem and find a better solution. When You Learn How to Date Yourself, You rediscover who you are and what types of things you find stimulating. Let's talk about Masturbation. Masturbate - Might sound a little crazy; however, Orgasms are so good for the body. When we masturbate, we release the feel-good chemicals and hormones our bodies need. When a man masturbates, the chemicals released in his brain are norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide (NO), and the hormone prolactin. This Norepinephrine stress hormone encourages the fight or flight response in the body. Kickstarting sexual activity. Serotonin is the feel-good hormone that helps the body to relax after an orgasm. Oxytocin is the loving/ Bliss hormone we release as we fall in love, go into labor, or maintain eye contact with the opposite sex for longer than 10 seconds. The Human body is such an incredible study. When a woman masturbates, it increases her estrogen levels and releases oxytocin, which combats cortisol (the primary stress hormone). The critical thing to remember here is you need time and space with yourself to reconnect. To rest and relax. Your Relationship status should not impact setting up "Me Time." Relationships where both parties take time out alone have reported less stress and better communication between them. In closing this blog post, I want you to start thinking of a couple of places you would like to take yourself. Then look over your calendar and start putting your plan in action. If you enjoyed this post, please consider becoming a subscriber to my email list. Where I share even more ritual workaround self-care, sexual magick, and witchcraft.
10 Journal Prompts for Self Discovery
To help you to get out of your head when you are standing at the crossroads in life. Photo Credit: Wix Free Stock Images To help you to get out of your head when you are standing at the crossroads in life. First off, do not expect to explore all 10 of these journaling prompts in one sitting. Grab a pen, paper, and a glass of water for yourself. Block off some time in your calendar to be present with these prompts before you begin clear space and set a timer for 10 mins. When you are ready to begin, take a couple of deep breaths and release the energy in your body from the day. Next, I want you to feel where the heaviness is in your body; as you breathe, pull that heaviness from your body into your writing arm, let it work its way down into the pencil. As you explore these journaling prompts deeper from within your body, what comes up for you? Where can you feel the energy in your body as you move the pencil? Once your timer has stopped, place the pencil down on the table and make sure to drink lots of water. Take a couple of days and then come back to your journaling prompts and the answers. Here is a list to get you get started: What I want in life is How do I want to Show Up in the World? Where Do I want to spend my time and energy? How do I want to grow as a person? In a perfect world, my ideal day would look like this. Today I am enjoying this part of my life the most right now. My proudest moment in life so far has been. The position of my life where I feel the happiest is? How can I be present right now in life? Where in my life do I need to be more present? Did you enjoy these ten journaling prompts? If so, I would encourage you to explore my six week self paced course Descending into Shadow Work. I would also encourage you to explore The Sanctuary. In this monthly or yearly subscription, I offer 365 days of Shadow Work Prompts centered around phases of the moon.
Activation Ritual for Manifest Spirit Soak
New Moon and New Intentions let this spirit soak help your body, mind, and soul open to creatrix energy. Manifest Spirit Soak Description: Manifest Spirit Soak is designed for use 3days before, during, and up to 3 days after a New Moon. You may also use this spirit soak as a pick-me-up to prepare your body, mind, and soul for exciting work you are about to call in. This Spirit Soak offers deep notes of citrus notes such as blood orange and navel oranges. Each batch is tuned for 2 hours with solfeggio frequency 417 Hz during the drying of the roses and while mixing and energetically charging the collection. This sound frequency allows us to remove negative energetic blocks we carry in the body. Each batch's Color will vary from shades of bright orange & reds to pale yellows. Depending on the dried roses I have available from my garden. This item will arrive in a 4 X 6 bag along with three small tea bags. For Mundane Use: Place 1 TBSP of Manifestation Spirit Soak in a warm bath remove all distraction no phone, or people. Relax your body and let your mind calm down. Notice the way your body feels and the tingling in your palms and soles of feet start to activate. Submerge entire body at least one time for complete activation. For Ritual Use: Prepare your Bath the same way as above, add your favorite candles in the appropriate colors. You may empower them with sigils. Or create sigils on paper and place them somewhere you can view while in bath. Power statements such as, "Today I am Going to Build/ Call Into Alignment.." drawl your circle call in your Spirit Guides and submerge underwater to activate. Make sure to thank your Spirit Guides and Release your circle and complete your bath. Listen to your body, and your breath, when you feel ready to submerge underwater to activate completely. As you take a moment underwater feel the dis-easements leaving from your portals: nose, mouth, ears, vagina, penis, and anus areas. Also, feel and acknowledge the difference in your chakra alignment. Come up for air and feel the elemental energies around your body in the water. The fire of candles, the water around you, the air inside you, and the earth beneath your body. Your hands and feet should tingle, activation is complete. Make sure to rinse your body well, and mind the rose petals and herbs not going down the drain. Make sure to thank your Spirit Guides and Release your circle and complete your bath. My Spirit Soaks started off like any other product does. "See and need fill a need" If your body does not react well with dried herbs, essential oils or salts, then this product is NOT for you. Small, yet important disclaimer, my Release Salt Soaks are not a snake oil wonder cure. I do not make any claims it will cure any disease in the body. If you feel you need professional help from a license care provider please seek that service elsewhere. NOT my Wheel house of expertise.This Release Salt Soak is meant to support the removal of dis-easements. Which is something entirely different on a spiritual plane. If you have interest in any customized ritual work please also visit this service by clicking here. Please visit my social Media Accounts for individual batch information as they are created. Facebook Here. Instagram Here MANIFEST INDGREDIENTS: MAGNESIUM SULFATE, FRAGRANCE (PARFUM), CITRUS NOBILIS (MANDARIN ORANGE) PEEL OIL, CITRUS AURANTIUM DULCIS (ORANGE) PEEL OIL, ASCORBIC ACID (VITAMIN C) DRIED APPLES, HIBISCUS, NATURAL FLAVORS, LEMONGRASS, BLACKBERRY LEAVES, CHICORY ROOT, LEMON PEELS. DRIED PEACHES DRIED ROSEMARY, THYME, DRIED ROSE PETALS
Grounding and Bubbling Your Energy
Here is Energy Work Series: Episode 1 Do you walk into a room full of people and instantly feel drained? In this exercise, we will learn a daily ritual to help your empathy muscles grow stronger. By grounding and bubbling your energy when you wake up before you go out into the world to people and before going to be it helps your body, mind, and spirit find better alignment. Grab a glass of water and your favorite journal and let's dive in. Journaling Prompts: What were some of the sensations you felt in your body as you starting breathing? Were you aware of any heaviness? Cracks or feeling blocked energy? When you closed your eyes, did you feel any extra sensory information? Did you see, feel, hear anyone else nearby?
30 Ways to Build Intimacy in Your Relationship
Photo Credit: Wix Stock Photos 1. Touch Each Other Daily- It does not matter where you touch, just a gentle daily connection. Take a Shower Together- The concept of being naked and grooming each other's bodies is exceptionally bonding. Leave them a Post- Notes- Just a small little note somewhere you know they will find it. Turn Off Your Phones- Plan on turning your phones off for at least two hours every week. Sleep Naked Together- The pheromones you release during sleep are intoxicating to your partner. Share a Sexual Fantasy- Sit down with your partner and talk about different fantasies you've had. Maybe they would be interested in Role-Playing; you never know if you never ask. Plan a Manicure/Pedicure/Massage Date- Little self-care together goes a long way. Flirt with Each Other: Release those feel-good hormones. Flirt be silly, laugh together. Take care of one or more of the Household Chores for your Partner- A little kindness goes a long way after a long day at work. Send Your Partner Flowers- The aroma of fresh-cut flowers are such a sweet treat. Spontaneous Lunch Date: Go pick up your partner and randomly find a quick adventure for lunch. Chocolate Chip Challenge- Practice throwing Chocolate Chips into your Partner's Mouth. Update your Intimacy Box- Send them a link for a new Sex Toy you would be willing to try out. Side with Your Partner- When a dispute comes up, show unity and side with your partner. Compliment Your Partner - In front of their peers, coworkers, family, and friends. Send Your Partner a Dirty Text Message- Make sure you send an NSFW warning. Then send them a naughty little text to let them know you're thinking about them. Make a Warm meal for your Partner- Make a favorite comfort food just because you care. Look thru Old Photos Together- Sit back and reflect on the life you both have built together. Take them on a Special Getaway- Just the two of you to rest and reconnect. Display a Fun Little Welcome Home Banner- Celebrate their Homecoming. Lie Down In Bed Together- Share an intimate space and stare into each other's eyes for 1 FULL MIN. How do you both feel afterward? Pull the Covers Over Your Bed in Bed- Have a private conversation under your favorite blanket. SNUGGLE TIME!!- Watch a movie together on the couch and snuggle up close during the movie. Make out Like Horny Teenagers again- Come HERE, BABY!! Have a Hot and Heavy making session, hot breath, heavy petting. French Kiss- Learn & Practice a new technique for Making Out. Embrace & Hug for 1 FULL MIN DAILY- Again, inhale those delicious Pheromones your Partner is putting off. Laugh together- Find a movie or Comedy Club and share a laugh. Greet Your Partner when they Come Home- Make a big deal about them coming home from a long day at work, tell them how much you missed them. Be Curious, Ask Questions- What projects are they working on. Engage in an open line of communication and check in with them daily. Create New Memories together- Find an Adventure together. Add your Ideas and keep this list going. For More Great Content Like this Please Visit my Free Group. The Sexual Empowerment Witch's Group
Guided Meditation: The Woodlands
In this 30 min Guided Meditation I will take you to The Woodlands. This elemental plane is the first of four elemental planes we will visit in your first year of working with me. A recurring conversation this week has been one of connecting to your spirit guides. So I have a quick blog post with a link to The Woodlands Meditation along with a list of 7 Journaling Prompts to complete once you have finished the meditation. What is journaling so crucial in our work? It helps us to step out of our headspace and make room for the messages to come. Journaling also allows us to identify patterns and acknowledge the milestones we achieve in time. The person you are today is not the same person you were last year, nor 3-5 years before. Honor the journey and enjoy the experience. Find a comfortable position to sit or lie down. You are keeping your arms and legs uncrossed. You don't need to watch the video; only listen to it. Once you have completed the journey, please return to this post and complete the journaling prompts listed below. Journaling Prompts When you felt your spirit drop down into the ocean of emotions, did you see or feel anyone around you? How did your energy shift? What did the energy feel like as you climbed out of the water to the sand? Who did you see as you walked along the pathway? What messages did you hear along the way? Once you reached the clearing, describe who you met, what they were wearing, how they walked, and what they said to you? The overall messages you received during this meditation were primarily about the present self version of you. What are your next steps in your journey? When you have finished these writing prompts, please come to The Wild Womb (my free group and share with us How it went.)
Activation Ritual for Release Spirit Soak
Have you recently released emotional baggage, and now your body feels drained and exhausted? For Mundane Use: Add 1 TSP in the brown tea bag provided next place in a warm bath. Relax your body, mind, and spirit. As your hands and the soles of your feet begin to tingle, take a breath and submerge your entire body at least one time for a complete activation. For Ritual Use: Prepare your Bath the same way as above. ( ideally, this should be done during a full moon which is in my humble opinion the best time to release what no longer serves us.) Next, I want you to think about what you are releasing, Is it emotions? Have you recently perform a releasing ritual such as a cord-cutting? How does your body feel? Next, you will add your favorite candles in the appropriate colors. You may empower them with sigils. Or create sigils on paper and place them somewhere you can view while in the bath. Power statements such as, "Today I am Going to Release..." Drawl in your circle of sacred space and call in your Spirit Guides. Listen to your body, and your breath, when you feel ready to submerge underwater to activate completely. As you take a moment underwater feel the dis-easements leaving from your portals: nose, mouth, ears, vagina, penis, and anus areas. Also, feel and acknowledge the difference in your chakra alignment. Come up for air and feel the elemental energies around your body in the water. The fire of candles, the water around you, the air inside you, and the earth beneath your body. Your hands and feet should tingle, activation is complete. Make sure to rinse your body well, and mind the rose petals and herbs not going down the drain. Make sure to thank your Spirit Guides and Release your circle and complete your bath. Release Description: Release Spirit Soak is designed for use 3days before, during, and up to 3 days after a Full Moon. You may also use this spirit soak as a spiritual cleanser after ritual work has been completed. Allow your tired body, mind, and soul the opportunity to relax and release what no longer serves you—deep notes of almond oil, roses, rosemary, and thyme. Each batch is tuned for 2 hours with solfeggio frequency 528 Hz during the drying of the roses and while mixing and energetically charging the collection. Each batch's Color will vary from shades of deep red to deep purple. Depending on the dried roses I have available from my garden. This item will arrive in a 4 X 6 bag along with three small tea bags. RELEASE Ingredients: MAGNESIUM SULFATE, FRAGRANCE (PARFUM), PRUNUS AMYGDALUS DULCIS, (SWEET ALMOND) OIL, AMYRIS BALSAMIFERA BARK OIL (SANDALWOOD), HELIANTHUS ANNUUS (SUNFLOWER) SEED OIL, BUTYROSPERMUM PARKI (SHEA) BUTTER, ALOW BARBADENSIS LEAF EXTRACT (DECOLORIZED), SODIUM BICARBONATE. CHAMOMILE, LEMONGRASS, BLUE MALLOW BLOSSOMS, LAVENDER, SPEARMINT DRIED ROSE PETALS, ROSEMARY, DRIED THYME The History of My Salt Soaks is Simple During my time spent with my clients, I saw a real need for the physical aftercare of releasing rituals. These Salt Soaks were designed to help the body release physically the emotional blocks we carry in our bodies from stress. To Be Clear & My Disclaimer: The Release Salt Soak is meant to support the removal of dis-easements. Which can be defined as energetic blocks, trapt energy, emotional bottling and the side effects of trauma-related injuries. This is not a snake oil wonder cure for the disease. That is something entirely different which requires modern medicine from licensed professionals If you feel you need professional help from a licensed care provider please seek that service elsewhere. I am not the correct fit for what you are looking for. In closing, it is my deepest wish for you dear customer, client, wildling that my release salt soaks help you rest, reflect and recharge in a safe space. I would love to hear your testimonials of this product, please feel free to find and tag me on Instagram & Facebook.
Sex Magick: A Solo Act
Learn how to Use your Orgasm to Manifest an intentional life you love. Learn how to Use your Orgasm to Manifest an intentional life you love. Does this Quarantine have you feeling off-balance? Now more than ever, we are in a place of rest and reflection around our bodies -which is the perfect time to explore working with your own orgasm to harness the creative sexual energy and manifest the desired outcome. Sex Magick is an effective tool utilizing the build-up, climax and release of sexually charged energy during ritual practice for specific results. Sexual magick it is different from "just" sex in that it is used for the express purpose of creating and manifesting, as opposed to sexual pleasure and/or procreation. Sex Magick also has the power to serve as a healing method for those who have experienced sexual and emotional trauma. Point of Origins No one really knows with absolute certainty where sex magick originates from, only that it has been around since the beginning of mankind. Depending on whom you ask, some will say it started with the earliest of pagans celebrating Beltane, while others may discuss the healing qualities of eastern practices, such as Tantra, to treat underlying dis-easment in the body related to genital armoring. Now that we understand what sex magick is, how do we use it? I recommend creating a plan for what are you calling in. Let's use one of my favorite examples: a career change. This ritual would be planned for a new moon, complete with herbs, along with candles in crystals in the appropriate colors. Begin with a cleansing ritual bath, adding your favorite salts to wash away the day and restore your personal energy. During the bath, visualize everything that has been weighing you down leaving your body, washing down the drain. After the bath, cleanse and create a sacred space just for this ritual work. Use fresh, clean bedsheets to remove any residual energy from other work, dreams, sex, or sleeping. You may call in your quarters, spirits, elements, or create crystal grids to form a protective circle around your work. (Depending on your personal beliefs and practice). Once your body is in a comfortable position start with breathwork. Listen to how your body breathes, feel it in your organs. That golden light entering your body through the nose and exiting your body through the mouth pulling the grey dis-easements out. Visualization in Sex Magick Begin masturbating, and focus your energy, on your candles that have been charged and consecrated with your intentions, or your sigils are written on paper next to you. Visualize what this next level version of you looks like. While still masturbating feel the softness of your body and rise and fall of breath in your lungs as your excitement continues building. Focus your mind on what a typical day in your new career will look like. How early do you get up for this new career? What type of work will you be doing? How does it feel to be living in alignment with your purpose? As your energy continues to build, think of how great your new career with be - how this new career will make you feel emotional, and what changes it will bring financially. As your body reaches climax close out your typical day remembering how much you loved this new career. Affirm that with this energy, you are releasing all fears and doubts around it and that you will start this new career when the universe offers it to you. Once you have reached completion... Allow your body a few minutes to rest and soak in the oxytocin and endorphins you've just released for that euphoric feeling. You are the master of your universe, and you have the power to make changes happen. Afterward, remember to close your sacred circle, thank your quarters, spirits, elements, or crystals that held safe space during your ritual work. The aftercare is just as important as the ritual work itself in Sex Magick. Honor your body, and clean whatever needs cleaning. Over the next few days as the moon cycle starts building brighter, give thanks again to your quarters, spirits, elements, or crystal for their assistance. Further, power your ritual by also doing the "mundane" work; you must match the energy you are calling in. This means you must actually apply for the job, make a positive impression at the interview, etc. Sex Magick with the universe is mutual, not exclusive. This article was originally published on Witch With Me
Maintaining Intimacy In Your Marriage
Recently I asked on several of my social media platforms “What is the most important part of Intimacy to you? The overwhelming response to this was simple in nature. Communication with your partner. Regardless of their relationship status, length of time or how many children they had, communication was above all the overwhelming answers I received from my followers. By communicating with your spouse, you are laying the intimate foundations of your relationship. You are present in each other’s life
How do we communicate? Well to start there’s verbal and nonverbal communication. I’m only going to focus on these two for today. We have hearing words of affirmations right? Then we have a psychical touch. Two of the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Both of these we will be exploring further. But first I would like to ask all of you:
What is Intimacy?
According to Wikipedia Intimacy is the state of being intimate. A close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group. A close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history. An act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection. Sexual intercourse the quality of being comfortable, warm or familiar. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intimate_relationship
No matter your history, or cultural upbringing, we all can agree on one. As humans, we were never created to be alone. We crave to be touched, to be loved, to have intimate relationships with others. We see this is evident in the case studies having been done on newborns in the hospital receiving skin to skin bonding time with their mothers. The babies who are held flourish while those who are lacking this do not do nearly as well. You see the premature babies in the NICU, most of them are hooked up to some pretty heavy-duty machines. I can tell you this first hand as a mother. Our youngest was born with an ASD (Atrial Septal Defect or a hole in her heart) and a TAPVR (Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return - Which means her pulmonary veins were not correctly connected to her left atrium) we did not find out about it until she was 2 months old. She spent nearly a month in the hospital while we waited for her little body to become healthy enough for the open heart surgery she required. My husband and I would sit and watch the monitors. As soon as she could feel her daddy’s hands touching her little arm or leg, her heartbeat would quicken and she would open her eyes there she was my little fighter, ready to take on the world.
This is also further proven by looking at any of the small children living in one of the many orphanages. Her body is malnourished, her eyes are sad and she is simply existing. She is hardly ever held or shown affections or even told words of affirmation. Her health suffers from not enough contact. You take this same child, you drop down to her eye level. Make direct eye contact and show her warm and open body language. What does she do? She hesitates for a moment because sadly, she may not understand what attention means or even be sure of what is about to happen, and then you see it. She reaches out her primal urge, longing to be held by someone, anyone willing to comfort her. Willing to hold her and tell her she is loved and valued in this world. When children like her are adopted and given the opportunity to be in a loving home they come alive and they flourish in this world.
This transfers over to adults, in any relationship. As adults, we long for and crave to be touched and to find an intimate relationship. To have another person to share our lives with. To have someone who knows us in such an intimate way we find trust and comfort to lay the foundations for something so much more greater. To have our hearts nourished and feel full of love. In a marriage, we have to acknowledge the different stages, the life cycle of it. We all start off hot heavy, then we grow and we change, and we become more comfortable. As we start this journey some of us become parents and our marriages shift to adjust to our new roles. Our focus is no longer on the hot and heavy stage of US it’s on becoming parents caring for our children, building a life for them and ourselves. We can fall into a comfortable numb, a mundane and complacent life if we're not comforted. Slowly over time, we lose ourselves and sometimes, unfortunately, each other along the way. Once we figure out what stage we are in we need to figure out how do we get back to us? How do we find that missing spark again?
As an adult toy educator, I see this quite often in the one on one discreet consultations I do with my customers. We get so busy in life we forget the traditions that reinforce the bonds in our relationships, the playful and loving rituals we do to reignite that sparkle in the eyes of our significant other. I have a few questions I like to ask my clients when we really sit down to talk. I want them to really think back to the fun, the playful the BLISS.
Remember that first date? What was so special about it? How about that moment in life when you KNEW they were the one person you were going to spend the rest of your life with? What was it that caught your attention about them? How about your first kiss? The first time you made love? Hold on to those memories for just a moment.
I met my husband on a blind date when I was only 19. I knew he was the one after an hour of talking to him. It was so strange to me when he and I spoke I felt as though I knew him already. As though we were already familiar in our hearts with each other. At 19 years old, I was still a baby yet I had lived a lifetime before meeting him. My husband was the only man I ever spoke to where I didn’t stutter. I still remember that night like it was yesterday. He made me feel warm and comfortable during our conversations. Talking about our families, and our friends while we giggled as we learned about each other.
Not 24 hours after I met him, I packed a duffle bag of clothes, grabbed my favorite cast iron skillet and the homemade butcher's block my father had made recently for me. We hopped in his truck and this California girl was off to Waco, Texas. Every parent’s nightmare right? Lol. Almost 12 years together, 3 beautiful little daughters, and the life we have worked so hard to build together. I can attest to losing intimacy in my marriage. When We became parents, it was not that we ever stopped being us, we simply pushed us off to the side and focused everything on the first steps, the first words, first laugh and then This focus grew into the beautiful first day of school, first time riding a bike without training wheels, and the first big job promotion. As a parent, how do you find time for intimacy when everyone in the house is having a meltdown? It’s not an easy task, not by far. Sometimes, you are able to see it coming other times you are not.
For us we hit a very rough patch, we spoke about that horrible D word no one ever wants to hear in a marriage. When the moment came, we opted for marriage counseling instead. We wanted to fight for our marriage, for our family and for what we have worked so hard to build together. During our sessions, we had discovered somewhere along the 12 years and 3 beautiful incredible amazing little daughters we lost the US. We lost who we were as a couple. We lost what had made us work together as a solid unit. With becoming the very best guy at work, and women in business. We had put us off to the side. We forgot how to hold hands in the store. Expectedly instead, we replaced holding hands withholding children. The three little kisses on the check shoulder or arms before bedtime. We were lost in the mix of quick showers, brushing our hair and teeth and preparing for bed. We had forgotten about the glass of chocolate milk after sex. If sex was great the chocolate milk was on point not to Sweet, not to Milky. Yet if sex was just ok. Well, we laughed at the horrible batch of chocolate milk we made together.
These small yet extremely important rituals in our marriage to reaffirm our intimacy was missing. So how do you get the rituals back after becoming a parent? Well, you can go to counseling, read books on relationships and practice communicating with your spouse. Its a start, to want that intimate connection back. At least that has helped us to become the very best partners we could ever possibly become. It starts off small. Baby steps. Getting to this point didn’t happen overnight. It took time to grow apart and may take time to grow back together. Maybe it’s scheduling a date night. Take time for this, because it’s important. "We were lost in the mix of quick showers, brushing our hair and teeth and preparing for bed. We had forgotten about the glass of chocolate milk after sex. Take the time to get dressed up for your spouse Men you to. Let your beautiful spouse see the man she married. This is the moment you dress up for each other.
Find a place to go to dinner, or if money's kinda tight, Improvise and make a nice dinner at home ( hide the frozen dinner boxes of premade food in the bottom of the trash can if you must). The important thing to remember is it’s the journey getting to this point, not the small little details of things that really don’t matter at the end of the day. Perhaps it’s a weekend away to fully immerse in a silly adventure together. Maybe..dare I say randomly watch a porno together, see how you both feel about what is being done in the scene. Allow yourselves the opportunity to communicate and explore creative ways of playing in a safe space. Then sit and talk about it for a moment and maybe, you might find an exciting new way to play together. I tell you after 12 years together we are still learning and finding new ways to play together.
Recently, on the show “Play with Me” from Playboy Radio, We the panel discussed the subject of kissing. What the body’s emotional, psychological and psychical response to kissing was. Let’s start off with psychical and psychological responses: Did you know our lips are our body's most exposed erogenous zone? Oh yes, it takes five of the 12 cranial nerves to engage in learning about our partner.
When we kiss, dopamine is released throughout our bodies creating the sensation of falling in love during a passionate kiss. This dopamine makes us feel happy or sad sometimes even sleepy. This also sends a message to our blood vessels allowing them to dilate and our hearts to race. This is also what we identify as the sensation of falling in love. Have you ever had such a passionate kiss it brought you to orgasm? It’s an interesting experience to have. From an emotional standpoint, kissing so connecting in a relationship. After a long day of work, how would it feel to have your spouse meet you at the door? Wrapping his or her arms around your neck and body and fully embracing you for a hot and passionate kiss. Only to pull away and look you in the eyes and say “I missed you today.” How does it make you feel to kiss your significant other? When was the last time you had a hot and heavy make-out session with heavy petting and hot breath on your neck?
What are some other rituals you do in your relationship to reaffirm your love? I am big on psychical touch. Run your finger through my hair, touch my face and tell me that you love me.
After a long day, one of the biggest things I look forward to my husband doing for me is a shower. The psychical act of soaping up a sponge with our tropical scented handcrafted soaps and washing my entire body scrubbing away all of the stress from the day. The feel of the warm shower and the closeness of his body to mine. Most of the time, it really does not require sex afterward. Just the intimate moment we share naked in front of each other. The rough feel of his hands, the warmth of his skin. The intimate way to explore each other’s bodies. The way his body feels as I scrub his legs. To connect, to talk about our day. To release the stress, then we dry each other off. Most of the time this only happens realistically after we put our little ones to bed. Otherwise, we do hear the distractions of knocking and whining at the door.
I have heard of a few rituals other couples do, one couple writes naughty little messages across the smooth surface of the peanut butter jar. Just a quick little naughty note to remind each other hey.. I see you, I want to play with you and engage. Another bakes a tray of cookies and meets her husband at the door wearing her apron, heels and holding the tray of cookies with nothing else. This couple recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.( and a possible sexual harassment charge from the FedEx driver… Just kidding). Love is a playful art form. Intimacy is the choosing to connect and be present in your partner’s Life. Without having intimacy in your marriage and honoring the close connection it will not bring any joy to your life, it will suffer and may even parish.
This is one of the biggest reasons I love being an adult toy educator. I am honored to sit down nearly every weekend to hear people share their personal sex lives with me. Sometimes it’s a date night and a pair of vibrating panties. Sometimes it’s finding the right flavor of edible warming oil and book to describe the different ways to give and receive a sensual massage for a special anniversary present. Other times it's in the workshops I teach, helping women to rediscover the body confidence we often lose after having children. In closing, I want to add an important point. Adult toys were never created to replace your spouse, They are meant to enhance your sex lives. To explore the many intimate ways your body responds to the visual stimulation the psychical vibrations and textures of materials, also sometimes utilizing scent, and taste. Once you open this door the possibilities are endless.