Sexual Empowerment Witch
I am a Motherless Daugther.
I craved a love that was never given. It took me years to learn how to process and remove those heavy anchors in my body. Anchors of doubt, approval-seeking, low self- esteem and self- worth.
I grew up with a mother who openly admitted she hated me as a child. My spiritual gifts were heavily used at a very early age as a "bloodhound". Often I would stand in the middle of the road barefoot and breath allowing my body to connect with the black sheep of the family's heartbeat. Then I would be sent to "go find the addict in the dark places."
At the tender age of 15 years old, I was almost burned alive.
I came home to discover my entire floor to ceiling library had been removed. Smoke billowing in the backyard, my mother had spent the day digging a hole in the earth. She threw every single book, candle, and herb she could find into the hole and set it on fire. I was given a choice "Keep walking this path of witchcraft & personal development and I will push you into the flames. You will die today as a witch. Or take this holy bible and walk with my God."
A wild storm of childhood dysfunction hidden in plain sight.
After so many years of this negative pattern of bottling emotions and codependency with no self-care, my body said no more.
This is the Trauma Scroll Down to Find the Healing Point.
How Everything Changed
In my professional world, I was a Sex Educator, teaching women, men, and couples about BDSM, Body Confidence, and Sex Toy Education. To the outside world, I was in my prime making it to #3 in the state of California in Sex Toy sales for the MLM company I was an independent contractor for. Inside my world started to crumble, as I began to lose balance in my own body. All of those years of bottling emotions, wearing a mask for society. I noticed it as I began writing a book about my life and fell apart in the first 1,000 words. The ugly crying, and heavy emotional release that I found in my body as I wrote with a simple #2 pencil.
Connecting to the dis-easement in my body and where I felt blocked acknowledging the pain, and slowly untangling my roots of trauma and pain.
Shadow Work and The La Loba
During this time, I lost my younger brother to suicide. That is the day everything changed. As I watched my father walk into the room closing his phone from the first phone call my brother's spirit walked in behind him. He looked at me with sadness in his eyes dropped his head and shoulders and shook his head muttering I AM SORRY.
I felt my child who was sitting next to me tense up and saw in her eyes she too, saw her uncle's spirit walking. I shut down my business, our family moved to Washington and I began my descent into the deepest levels of Shadow Work, and Grief.
During my grief, I reread the story of the La Loba from The book The Women Who Run With Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
La Loba is a wild woman, a witch, and a healer, she has many names and they all mean the same. La Loba travels the earth searching for the lost bones of wolves. She gently gathers each and every bone. along with the wounding stories.
On a Full Moon, La Loba sits near an open fire and assembles each bone neatly in place. Once the skeletal foundation is set she sings words of encouragement under the full moon next to the fire. The muscles, tissue, and blood all sing back to life. The wolve drawls in the air to her lungs and she wakes up to run wildly across the desert.
She is not quite a woman, is not quite a wolve either however, something has changed internally, she is now whole, stronger than ever before.
Not everyone has a mother who hates them or threatens to throw them into a fire pit to burn. Yet we all have a history that needs healing.
This healing work of learning how to breathe and reconnect to your spiritual self is what I now teach to others.
Thank you for your time and energy in learning more about my story.
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