Why Do Men and Women Experience Low Libido?

Why Do Men and Women Experience Low Libido?

This is a question I am asked often. Unfortunately it has many layers to it. Both sexes suffer from low libido for a multitude of reasons: Stress, Diet, Alcohol, Lack of Sleep, Lack of Sex, Lack of Body Confidence, Weight Gain, depression, Age.

To understand Why, we must first look at the factors we are currently facing in life.With so many strong triggers in life, Here are a few of the common questions I ask about when customer say they feel they Low Libido.

What do your sleeping habits look like?

Are you getting at least 8 hours of sleep during the night?

Do you consume alcohol?

Are you experiencing major stress?

Do you feel you are Depressed?

How do you decompress after a long day?

If you are experiencing any stress or feel like you might be suffering from depression I strongly urge to you speak with a therapist. They have so many great decompression techniques to really help you out.

What does your Diet Look like?

Are you eating healthy foods rich in iron, zinc, calcium, and vitamins A, B, D and E?

What if these are not the the root reasons for Low Libido? What if it is an intimacy issue? In most of the relationships I work with experiencing Low Libido, I have found that its a combination of the above stress plus a lack of intimate contact. Here is the second list of questions to think about:

How often do you compliment your partner?

How often do they complement you back?

How do they respond to your naked body?

How do you respond to your own naked body?

Do you feel emotionally loved in your current relationship?

I read an excellent book awhile back stating Foreplay was a Dirty Word.

This article suggest that foreplay is only used right before sexual intercourse.That couples only connect and seduce each other when they expect to have sexual intercourse. For most women we need much more than a thought about having a quickie to get excited. We need time to warm up and to feel emotionally connected to our partner. We need more than a grouping grab of the ass to excite us. We need to have our senses come alive with excitement so we are able to release the oxytocin, and dopamine into our bodies to trigger orgasms deep within our wombs. We need to be touched, nurtured, loved, and connected to our partners. I have a mixed comment I do see the value in needing foreplay. I think seduction of the mind is the most incredible way to stimulate a partner. I feel Foreplay before sex is still very much a necessity. You don’t just ram it in and hope for the best. Warm up have lubrication and enjoy sex for the stimulation of the body and the mind.

Arousal Creams and Gels are a wonderful product available in today’s market. For the ones I carry, On Arousal Oil is made by senuva has cinnamon and clove has its main ingredients. Cinnamon and Clove help to promote Blood circulation in the area it is applied to. This oil will get WARM on the skin. The reason it gets warm is because its pulling all of the blood cells it can to the 8,000 – 10,000 nerve endings found inside the clitoris.

On ICE Arousal Oil is another sensuva product which has the opposite temperature. By using menthol as the main ingredient. his products turns ice cold when applied to the skin. I Strongly recommend the ICE version for my older ladies experiencing menopause. This product will cool you off while helping your body to hydrate your vaginal canal with your own fluids.

I hope this email has helped to answer some questions you may have had. If not please reach out and let us work on this together to find out an answer for you.

xoxo

~Amanda

The Importance of Dating Yourself

The Importance of Date Yourself

I have a thought provoking question for you today. Do you ever take yourself out on a Date? If you have answered YES kudos to you! If you have answered NO Here is a few reasons why you should pull out your calendar today and make a date with yourself.

We as humans are constantly on the move. We always have our phones in our hands and remain connected to social media and news happening 24/7 around us. We have become so disconnected from ourselves that we lose a sense of humanity, intimacy, kindness, love, and empathy. We become overwhelmed and exhausted. Did you know the Brain consumes about 20% of your body’s energy during the day. When we “disconnect” or allow ourselves downtime we allow our brain to rest and regroup. Which helps us out in the long run to be able to come back to a problem and find a better solution.

When you Date Yourself you rediscover who you are as a person, and what types of things you find stimulating. You get to know yourself all over again. In finding a quiet place to hangout with yourself you have a chance to emotionally check-in with your goals in life and see how far you have come as to where you want to be. Your Relationship status should not impact setting up “Me Time”. Relationships where both parties take time out alone have reported less stress and better communication between them.

Dating yourself can be something as simple as:

Having lunch alone

A Bubble Bath- Candles, Bath Bombs and a HOT playlist

Going to see a New Movie – Sometimes you just need a good laugh

Taking a Yoga Class- This will help you become more emotionally present in yourself.

GO for a nature Hike,- the fresh air and vitamin D is so good for combating depression.

Treat yourself to a Manicure, Pedicure, Facial, Massage

Journal alone- write a love letter to yourself, and talk about the things you do or have done to be happy.

Masturbate – Might sound a little crazy however Orgasms are so good for the body. When we masturbate we release the feel good chemicals and hormones our bodies need.

When a man masturbates the chemicals released in his brain are: norepinephrine,serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide (NO), and the hormone prolactin

Norepinephrine is a stress hormone that encourages the fight or flight response in the body. Kick starting sexual activity. Serotonin is the feel good hormone which helps the body to relax after an orgasm. Oxytocin is the loving/ Bliss hormone we release as we fall in love, go into labor, or maintain eye contact with the opposite sex for longer than 10 seconds. The Human body is such an incredible study.

When a woman masturbates it increases her estrogen levels and releases oxytocin which combats cortisol (which is the main stress hormone) in the body.

The important thing to remember here is you need time and space with yourself to reconnect. To rest and relax.

In closing this blog post I want you to start thinking of a couple of places you would like to treat yourself to go to. Then look over your calendar and start putting your plan in action. I would love for you to write back let me know where you went. How is made you feel and what your enjoyed most about this experience.

Have a Great Day,

~Amanda

30 Ways to Build Intimacy In Your Relationship

30 Ways to
Build Intimacy
In Your Relationship

  1. Touch Each Other Daily- It does not really matter where you touch, just a gentle daily connection.
  2. Take a Shower Together- The concept of being naked and grooming each other’s body is extremely bonding.
  3. Leave them a Post- It Note- Just a small little note somewhere you know they will find it.
  4. Turn Off Your Phones- Plan on turning your phones off for at least tw hours every week.
  5. Sleep Naked Together- The pheromones you release during sleep are intoxicating to your partner.
  6. Share a Sexual Fantasy- Sit down with your Partner and talk about different fantasies you’ve had. Maybe they would be interested
  7. Role Playing you never know if you never ask.
  8. Plan a Manicure/Pedicure/Massage Date- Little self care together goes a long way.
  9. Flirt with Each Other- Release those feel good hormones Flirt be silly laugh together.
  10. Take care of one or more of the Household Chores for your Partner- A little kindness goes a long way after a long day at work.
  11. Send Your Partner Flowers- The aroma of fresh cut flowers are such a sweet treat.
  12. Spontaneous Lunch Date- Go pickup your Partner and randomly find a quick adventure for lunch.
  13. Chocolate Chip Challenge- Practice throwing Chocolate Chips into your Partner’s Mouth.
  14. Update your Intimacy Box- Send them a link for a new Sex Toy you would be willing to tryout.
  15. Side with Your Partner- When a squabble comes up show unity and side with your partner.
  16. Compliment Your Partner – In front of their peers, coworkers, family and friends.
  17. Send Your Partner a Dirty Text Message- Make sure you send a NSFW warning.. Then send them a naughty little text to let them know you’re thinking about them.
  18. Make a Warm meal for your Partner- Make a favorite comfort food just because you care.
  19. Look thru Old Photos Together- Sit back and reflect on the life you both have built together.
  20. Take them on a Special Getaway- Just the two of you to rest and reconnect.
  21. Display a Fun Little Welcome Home Banner- Celebrate their Homecoming.
  22. Lie Down In Bed Together- Share a close space and stare into each other’s eyes for 1 FULL MIN. How do you both feel afterwards?
  23. Pull the Covers Over your Bed in Bed- Have a private conversation under your favorite blanket.
  24. SNUGGLE TIME!!- Watch a movie together on the couch and snuggle up close during the movie.
  25. Make out Like Horny Teenagers again- Come HERE BABY!! Have a Hot and Heavy making session, hot breathe, heavy petting.
  26. French Kiss- Learn & Practice a new technique for Making Out.
  27. Embrace & Hug for 1 FULL MIN DAILY- Again inhale those delicious Pheromones your Partner is putting off.
  28. Laugh together- Find a movie or Comedy Club and share a laugh together.
  29. Greet Your Partner when they Come Home- Make a big deal about them coming home from a long day at work, Tell them how much you missed them.
  30. Be Curious, Ask Questions- What projects are hey working on. Engage in an open line of communication and check in with them daily.
    Create New Memories together- Find an Adventure together.
    Add your own Ideas and keep this list going….

 

Maintaining Intimacy In Your Marriage

Recently I asked on several of my social media platforms “What is the most important part of Intimacy to you? The overwhelming response to this was simple in nature. Communication with your partner. Regardless of their relationship status, length of time or how many children they had, communication was above all the overwhelming answer I received from my followers. By communicating with your spouse, you are laying the intimate foundations of your relationship. You are present in each other’s life

How do we communicate? Well to start there’s verbal and nonverbal communication. I’m only going to focus on these two for today. Have we hearing words of affirmations right? Then we have psychical touch. Two of the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Both of these we will be exploring further. But first I would like to ask all of you:

What is Intimacy?

According to Wikipedia Intimacy is the state of being intimate. A close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group. A close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history. An act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection. The sexual intercourse the quality of being comfortable, warm or familiar. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intimate_relationship

No matter your history, or cultural upbringing, we all can agree on one. As humans, we were never created to be alone. We crave to be touched, to be loved, to have intimate relationships with others. We see this is evident in the case studies having been done on newborns in the hospital receiving skin to skin bonding time with their mothers. The babies who are held flourish while those who are lacking this do not do nearly as well. You see the premature babies in the NICU, most of them are hooked up to some pretty heavy duty machines. I can tell you this first hand as a mother. Our youngest was born with an ASD (Atrial Septal Defect or a hole in her heart) and a TAPVR (Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return – Which means her pulmonary veins were not correctly connected to her left atrium) we did not find out about it until she was 2 months old. She spent a nearly month in the hospital while we waited for her little body to become healthy enough for the open heart surgery she required. My husband and I would sit and watch the monitors. As soon as she could feel her daddy’s hands touching her little arm or leg, her heartbeat would quicken and she would open her eyes there she was my little fighter, ready to take on the world.

This is also further proven by looking at any of the small children living in one of the many orphanages. Her body is malnourished, her eyes are sad and she is simply existing. She is hardly ever held or shown affections or even told words of affirmation. Her health suffers from not enough contact. You take this same child, you drop down to her eye level. Make direct eye contact and show her warm and open body language. What does she do? She hesitates for a moment because sadly, she may not understand what attention means or even be sure of what is about to happen, and then you see it. She reaches out her primal urge, longing to be held by someone, anyone willing to comfort her. Willing to hold her and tell her she is loved and valued in this world. When children like her are adopted and given the opportunity to be in a loving home they come alive and they flourish in this world.

This transfers over to adults, in any relationship. As adults, we long for and crave to be touched and to find an intimate relationship. To have another person to share our lives with. To have someone who knows us in such an intimate way we find trust and comfort to lay the foundations for something so much more greater. To have our hearts nourished and feel full of love. In a marriage, we have to acknowledge the different stages, the life cycle of it. We all start off hot heavy, then we grow and we change, and we become more comfortable. As we start this journey some of us become parents and our marriages shift to adjust to our new roles. Our focus is no longer on the hot and heavy stage of US it’s on becoming parents caring for our children, building a life for them and ourselves. We can fall into a comfortable numb, a mundane and complacent life if we’re not comforted. Slowly over time, we lose ourselves and sometimes, unfortunately, each other along the way. Once we figure out what stage we are in we need to figure out how do we get back to us? How do we find that missing spark again?

As an adult toy educator, I see this quite often in the one on one discreet consultations I do with my customers. We get so busy in life we forget the traditions that reinforce the bonds in our relationships, the playful and loving rituals we do to reignite that sparkle in our significant others eyes. I have a few questions I like to ask my clients when we really sit down to talk. I want them to really think back to the fun, the playful the BLISS.

Remember that first date? What was so special about it? How about that moment in life when you KNEW they were the one person you were going to spend the rest of your life with? What was it that caught your attention about them? How about your first kiss? The first time you made love? Hold on to those memories for just a moment.

I met my husband on a blind date when I was only 19. I knew he was the one after an hour of talking to him. It was so strange to me when he and I spoke I felt as though I knew him already. As though we were already familiar in our hearts with each other. At 19 years old, I was still a baby yet I had lived a lifetime before meeting him. My husband was the only man I ever spoke to where I didn’t stutter. I still remember that night like it was yesterday. He made me feel warm and comfortable during our conversations. Talking about our families, and our friends while we giggled as we learned about each other.

Not 24 hours after I met him, I packed a duffle bag of clothes, grabbed my favorite cast iron skillet and the homemade butcher’s block my father had made recently for me. We hopped in his truck and this California girl was off to Waco, Texas. Every parent’s nightmare right? Lol. Almost 12 years together, 3 beautiful little daughters, and the life we have worked so hard to build together. I can attest to losing intimacy in my marriage. When We became parents, it was not that we ever stopped being us, we simply pushed us off to the side and focused everything on the first steps, the first words, first laugh and then This focus grew into the beautiful first day of school, first time riding a bike without training wheels, and the first big job promotion. As a parent, how do you find time for intimacy when everyone in the house is having a meltdown? It’s not an easy task, not by far. Sometimes, you are able to see it coming other times you are not.

For us we hit a very rough patch, we spoke about that horrible D word no one ever wants to hear in a marriage. When the moment came, we opted for marriage counseling instead. We wanted to fight for our marriage, for our family and for what we have worked so hard to build together. During our sessions, we had discovered somewhere along the 12 years and 3 beautiful incredible amazing little daughters we lost the US. We lost who we were as a couple. We lost what had made us work together as a solid unit. With becoming the very best guy at work, and women in business. We had put us off to the side. We forgot how to hold hands in the store.Expectedly instead, we replaced holding hands with holding children. The three little kisses on the check shoulder or arms before bedtime. Were lost in the mix of quick showers, brushing our hair and teeth and preparing for bed. We had forgotten about the glass of chocolate milk after sex. If sex was great the chocolate milk was on point not to Sweet, not to Milky. Yet if sex was just ok. Well, we laughed at the horrible batch of chocolate milk we made together.

These small yet extremely important rituals in our marriage to reaffirm our intimacy was missing. So how do you get the rituals back after becoming a parent? Well, you can go to counseling, read books on relationships and practice communicating with your spouse. It’s a start, to want that intimate connection back. At least that has helped us to become the very best partners we could ever possibly become. It starts off small. Baby steps. Getting to this point didn’t happen overnight. It took time to grow apart and may take time to grow back together. Maybe it’s scheduling a date night. Take time for this, because it’s important. Take the time to get dressed up for your spouse Men you to. Let your beautiful spouse see the man she married. This is the moment you dress up for each other.
Find a place to go to dinner, or if money’s kinda tight, Improvise and make a nice dinner at home ( hide the frozen dinner boxes of premade food in the bottom of the trash can if you must). The important thing to remember is it’s the journey getting to this point, not the small little details of things that really don’t matter at the end of the day. Perhaps it’s a weekend away to fully immerse in a silly adventure together. Maybe..dare I say randomly watch a porno together, see how you both feel about what is being done in the scene. Allow yourselves the opportunity to communicate and explore creative ways of playing in a safe space. Then sit and talk about it for a moment and maybe, you might find an exciting new way to play together. I tell you after 12 years together we are still learning and finding new ways to play together.

Recently, on the show “Play with Me” from Playboy Radio, We the panel discussed the subject of kissing. What the body’s emotional, psychological and psychical response to kissing was. Let’s start off with psychical and psychological responses: Did you know our lips are our bodies most exposed erogenous zone? Oh yes, it takes five of the 12 cranial nerves to engage in learning about our partner.

When we kiss, dopamine is released throughout our bodies creating the sensation of falling in love during a passionate kiss. This dopamine makes us feel happy or sad sometimes even sleepy. This also sends a message to our blood vessels allowing them to dilate and our hearts to race. This is also what we identify as the sensation of falling in love. Have you ever had such a passionate kiss it brought you to orgasm? It’s an interesting experience to have. From an emotional standpoint, kissing so connecting in a relationship. After a long day of work, how would it feel to have your spouse meet you at the door? Wrapping his or her arms around your neck and body and fully embracing you for a hot and passionate kiss. Only to pull away and look you in the eyes and say “I missed you today.” How does it make you feel to kiss your significant other? When was the last time you had a hot and heavy make-out session with heavy petting and hot breath on your neck?

What are some other rituals you do in your relationship to reaffirm your love? I am big on psychical touch. Run your finger through my hair, touch my face and tell me that you love me.

After a long day, one of the biggest things I look forward to my husband doing for me is a shower. The psychical act of soaping up a sponge with our tropical scented handcrafted soaps and washing my entire body scrubbing away all of the stress from the day. The feel of the warm shower and the closeness of his body to mine. Most of the time, it really does not require sex afterward. Just the intimate moment we share naked in front of each other. The rough feel of his hands, the warmth of his skin. The intimate way to explore each other’s bodies. The way his body feels as I scrub his legs. To connect, to talk about our day. To release the stress, then we dry each other off. Most of the time this only happens realistically after we put our little ones to bed. Otherwise, we do hear the distractions of knocking and whining at the door.

I have heard of a few rituals other couples do, one couple writes naughty little messages across the smooth surface of the peanut butter jar. Just a quick little naughty note to remind each other hey. I see you, I want to play with you and engage. Another bakes a tray of cookies and meets her husband at the door wearing her apron, heels and holding the tray of cookies with nothing else. This couple recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.( and a possible sexual harassment charge from the FedEx driver… Just kidding). Love is a playful art form. Intimacy is the choosing to connect and be present in your partner’s Life. Without having intimacy in your marriage and honoring the close connection it will not bring any joy to your life, it will suffer and may even parish.

This is one of the biggest reason I love being an adult toy educator. I am honored to sit down nearly every weekend to hear people share their personal sex lives with me. Sometimes it’s a date night and a pair of vibrating panties. Sometimes it’s finding the right flavor of edible warming oil and book to describe the different ways to give and receive a sensual massage for a special anniversary present. Other times it’s in the workshops I teach, helping women to rediscover the body confidence we often lose after having children.In closing, I want to add an important point. Adult toys were never created to replace your spouse, They are meant to enhance your sex lives. To explore the many intimate ways your body responds to the visual stimulation the psychical vibrations and textures of materials, also sometimes utilizing scent, and taste. Once you open this door the possibilities are endless.